Facebook. Twitter. Formspring. Goodreads.
Photography. Journals. Work. Reviews & Coverage. Seedbook.
| Provided by website-hit-counters.com site. |
For reasons I will never explain (well… maybe in person), things are a little bleak for me - inwardly, I mean. I’ve been having this weird existential crisis with regard to the infinity of universes and the infinity of human consciousness since … Wednesday. That was when I had the whole “The 40th Day” revelation thing. Anyway, the 40th day did happen.
I quote from him, “You and I are… okay now.”
There you have it, folks. We’re okay. And that’s all you’re directly getting. We’re probably never going to be the same kind of people, in the same dynamic ever again but… we’re okay. And I have to say this: I am the villain in this story and I would like to publicly apologize for my actions and slandering against someone who has only ever wanted to help me, who never really needed me and could have stepped out of this sitcom drama at any time but didn’t because he knew how much I needed him. Even when I didn’t. And I’m sorry. And I’m not even going to tell you people what he said about y’all.
But that okay-ness between us has not changed my little existential crisis. In fact, it added to it. Dramatically. It’s not about him. It’s not something he said. It’s something I did. It’s something I am. This is about me which is the whole point of this blog anyway. Me. Everything I choose to show, anyway.
So. I’ve been in a mipie-like state for a bit. Not in the “people have to physically restrain me from myself” kind of state. I’m just in a very self-loathing, self-deprecating, self-pitying state and it’s not pretty. I’m just filled with this remorse and guilt and regret and overall, for the lack of a better term, sadness because of myself and everything that is indubitably and perennially wrong with me.
As therapy, I took out the 3 mini DV tapes of the night I shot the film that was the cause of all this - my compromising - and I took out my favourite shoes. I lied again, bucko. I didn’t burn them. But this was much more rewarding (and eco-friendly).
After about twenty minutes of swearing and stomping and hitting and weeping and screaming remorse and bloody murder, and exploding pieces of mini DV tapes at my work space…
There are no known copies of the detestable videos on those tapes. I’ve deleted every copy known to mankind. Now the only people who know of the videos on those tapes are us and maybe someday, we’ll forget they ever happened. And when we do forget or if we forget (which we probably never will)… we can pretend it never happened and we’d be us again.
Only it never will be again. No matter how hard I try to destroy and repent for my mistakes, we’re never going to be the same again. As I pulled on those tapes, I realized that I was holding you in them. The residue of your kisses are still on my fingertips and I’ve thrown them all away. Maybe one day we’ll forget but we probably never will.
What we were is just another thing I’ve destroyed and I’m sorry.
“But if serving the Lord seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your ancestors served beyond the Euphrates, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you are living. But as for me and my household, we will serve the Lord.” Joshua 24:15
Hallo, lovelies! I just got home from ONE Youth Camp, Jzone Alabang’s summer camp. It was super amazing! I met a lot of fantastic people, got really close with my new sisters in Christ, I recommitted my life to Him (and I got baptized again!), and I learned so many new things. Most importantly, I developed a deeper and more intimate relationship with my Maker. My fire for Jesus is burning brighter than ever before and I’m overwhelmed with a sense of peace and joy. Praise God in all things!
I’ll share photos and testimonies from camp soon enough. How’s your summer? I hope it’s going well! How can I pray for you?
xx, Jonnah.
Will has proposed to me and I have said yes.
I’m kidding, I’m kidding! But yes, I am the proud owner of a Herondale Ring from Hebel Design! And who do I have to thank for it? The greatest parabatai in the entire world, that’s who! Lollo, you are the greatest, kindest, amazing-est person in the entire world and I do not deserve you. <3
The ring is much too big for me so I’m going to wear it as a pendant instead and pretend that it’s Will’s. Tee hee hee.
If you don’t understand the references I’m making, I bid thee to read The Infernal Devices by Cassandra Clare. It’s all kinds of amazing and it will make you feel ALL OF THE THINGS.
I miss taking photographs. I really, really do. I absolutely love portraiture. Portraiture, conceptual and architectural photography are my thing, y’know? Maybe I’ll take Photojournalism in a few terms. We’ll see!
I really want to shoot this summer. I’d need models, though. And easy locations. Shoots are also super fun (also, I do more extreme poses and get into more absurd angles than my models)!
YES, WE DON’T HAVE A TITLE FOR OUR SHORT FILM YET. I’m not going to tell you guys the story but sjfhaskjfhlksjdf it’s just… I DID NOT WRITE THIS STORY. I am so proud to say that I was just a cinematographer (and played an infinitesimal role) for this film. There is only one common denominator for both short films I have shot within the past two weeks = I play the sister. Strange coinkydinks, these are! I am so proud of the fact that I didn’t lose my temper (not even once!) at this shoot. Mostly because I was dead tired and still pretty darn sick but oh well!
Here’s just a teaser/BTS of one scene we had to shoot.
“Here’s what’s not beautiful about it: from here, you can’t see the rush or the cracked paint or whatever, but you can tell what the place really is. You see how fake it all is. It’s not even hard enough to be made out of plastic. It’s a paper town.” - John Green, Paper Towns
First day of shooting for a short film today. I’m just the cinematographer for this one and I had practically no say in the story but oh well! We ended up using my friend’s camera for it and in between takes, I would go out into the terrace and just take photos because 1.) the view was amazing 2.) the light was amazing. We shot somewhere in Chinatown and there were only 2 Filipinos in the whole production. Everyone else just spoke in Chinese mostly and I’m just sitting there like… “Yeah. Mhm. Okay. Oh, so we shoot now?”
Seriously, though. I am falling in love with photography all over again. (Someone get me a Canon 5D Mark II for my eighteenth birthday).
A friend lent me his Canon 60D over the week for a project I’m making wherein I’m going to need a video capable camera. Praise God for good friends! <3
I played with it while I was on the bus with Berna and it was super fun because agh, fancy camera is fancy and I felt so giddy with it! I feel giddy when I’m tampering with new camera equipment okay. I cannot wait for my new gear so Colin can retire after two years of loyal work. <3
I’ve been away from my Writers’ Guild friends for so long. I haven’t seen them in so long (or so it feels) and I just missed them so much. I hadn’t been with them in so long and it felt good to be the resident unicorn again. I had two interviews today: with Angie for an article I’m writing for Writing for Print Media class and Ate Deb for an article I’m writing for The LaSallian. Hanging out with lovely people at Celdy’s is just awesomesauce. <3
Also, I brought Colin and asked Ysa to take pictures while I had my palm read (it’s part of the article, folks!) and… hilarity ensued.
I genuinely didn’t know I was being photographed with Olivia at this point. Blanche took this photo okay? Okay.
Again, I pull a meme face. I make the best facial expressions ever. This was when Ysa was talking about a book and I just lit up and I was like “DID SOMEBODY SAY Y.A.?!”
Yup. Writers’ Guild people are the cooliest. They even made me feel better about The Babycakes Case (don’t ask because I will never, ever tell!). So yay! :D
Curiosity. (x)
Add condensed questions and the extract of something unusual.
The above photo is meant to engage viewers to ask questions about the photo like “What in the of sweet mama flapjacks is that straw doing on top of that Starbucks?”, “Why is there a scoop of whipped cream on a coffee jelly straw on top of that cup of Starbucks?”, “Damn, where’s the nearest Starbucks?”, “How many notes did this get on Tumblr?”, or something of the sort. It is meant for people to ask questions of why because even if it is just another photo of a frappuchino in Starbucks, there’s a small extract of something unusual - which is the straw with the whipped cream on it. It’s a Mocha Frappuchino, why is there a coffee jelly straw with whipped cream on top of the lid? It doesn’t make any sense? Is there something deeper to it? When really, it’s just a random photo that was taken in such a manner that will make people think when really, it doesn’t really mean anything.
It’s meant to make people, well… curious.
1/19 »
